o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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