Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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