I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
