Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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