at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
