My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
