I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
