Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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