I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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