I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
