she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
