omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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