Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she smelled like a LAN party
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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