Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize