So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize