Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
