FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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