Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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