I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
this hospital has no fireball
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
