Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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