Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
