THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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