I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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