Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
