i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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