He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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