Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
