VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
