I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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