This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
