just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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