There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
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The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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