I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
