How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
