How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
