Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
