I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
