she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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