when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize