Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
