i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm at about main and main street
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
