That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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