i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wear drunk well.
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