everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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