Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
