OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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