Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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