Whod you bang
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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