from now on my penis is your penis
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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