I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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