bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
