C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
