We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
