I only kidnapped one of them. chill
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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