i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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