Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
