super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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