Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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