moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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