then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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