1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
