Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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