That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
