Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
