Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
